Internet Dating

(and all that stuff!)

Do Not Forget To Entertain Strangers

In this article I intend to give a Christian response to the issue of Internet Dating services and other similar services, all of which I shall refer to under the general heading of Introduction Agencies.

The question of whether or not it is right to have Christian Introduction agencies, is a very interesting one.  Outside of the church world, the Introduction Agencies industry is booming.  Last year UK singles reportedly spent around £50 million pounds on Introduction Agencies, and as I am writing, there are literally hundreds of agencies in Britain.

However, our question is, is it right to have Christian Introduction Agencies?  For me to answer this question, I would have to answer the question in the wider context of whether or not it is right for para-church organisations to exist.  For example, let's take another type of para-church organisation, a Bible College.  Some would argue that Bible Colleges are not needed because they are not scriptural.  To be fair, those that say they are not scriptural are right, as there were no 'Bible Colleges' run by the early church according to the New Testament.  However, does that mean that God is against Bible Colleges?  I think not; I believe there is room within the boundaries of scripture to carry out God's purposes using a variety of methods.  For me, a far more important question to ask is this:

 "If all the Bible Colleges in the world closed down tomorrow, would the majority of local churches be equipped to effectively train leaders.........beginning next week?!!!!" 

In my opinion the answer to this question is no!  Therefore, until the answer to the above question is yes.............long live Bible Colleges!!!!

This is the same way I see Introduction Agencies.  They are para-church organisations set up to provide a Christian response to the problem many singles are facing........trying to find a suitable partner.  Introduction agencies exist because the church is not (or not adequately) responding to the involuntary singleness issue.  These agencies normally bring together a  pool of experts from various churches and denominations, which are able to effectively deal with the issues, normally more effectively than any one church or denomination can.

As to whether or not it is within the boundaries of scripture, I would say yes, because it is scriptural for people to have help to find a partner, as exemplified by the chart in my article DIY MENTALITY.  Introduction Agencies have the advantage of enabling singles to 'meet' singles locally, nationally or even globally.  The latter also has a scriptural basis, because a very significant number of Bible characters married foreigners, i.e. a person from another country.  Therefore, I believe that singles ought to start thinking globally, especially those experiencing great difficulty meeting prospective people.

However, joining an agency does not mean you are going to meet a suitable person straight away, in fact it could still take a year or two, but it is simply a strategic move which can help you to meet people whom you otherwise would not meet.  It also allows you to develop your communication skills (probably the single most important skill needed to initiate and maintain a successful relationship).  Obviously you have to be cautious and sensible when making new contacts, particularly if a more serious relationship begins to develop.  However, we can't live this Christian life avoiding all challenges..........we must face and overcome them.

The Importance of Human Agency When Seeking A Partner 

I have to admit, when I first started ministering to singles in July 2000, I had a lot of prejudices against Introduction Agencies.  However, I have to come to acknowledge that we need practical, Godly solutions to this long-standing singleness  issue.  Abraham and Naomi did not just pray for Isaac and Ruth, they were problem-solvers, with strategic solutions......and their solutions worked!!!  As a direct result of their actions, Isaac and Ruth found lifetime partners.  Do you know anyone who could help you find a suitable lifetime mate as a direct result of their actions?  Believe you me, people with that 'anointing' are desperately needed right now!!!   

Upon reading the scriptures thoroughly, it becomes very clear that a normal method God uses to introduce a person to their spouse-to-be, is through a human agent.  For example, Isaac met and married Rebekah through the agency (the means of action) of Abraham and his servant, while Ruth married Boaz through the agency of Naomi.  In the case of Abraham, he also asked his most senior employee (possibly Eliezer) to return to his country and kindred to find a wife for Isaac.  Therefore, as part of his work, this servant was being paid to find a suitable wife for Isaac!!!  This says a lot about the need for agents and agency when finding a partner.  I believe that many singles may never find a suitable partner, unless they are willing to receive the help of a God-approved agent.  Normally, the best agents are parents or appropriate leaders within the church.  However, many Christians are not privileged to have parents or church leaders which are able to help them in this area, therefore Introduction Agencies (or something of that format) seems inevitable. 

One of the mistakes we make in church is to suggest that the problem of finding a lifetime partner is only a problem in the church.  Hey, finding a lifetime partner is a huge problem in the world too!!!  The hundreds of Introduction agencies (some being very high profile) are testimony to the problem.  If you are serious about using an Agency (particularly an on-line one) I would recommend that you purchase the e-book "A Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating" by Dr. Jim Rives.  Dr Jim knows more about the subject of  Introduction Agencies than most, and his 53-page e-book (available at www.christiancafe.com), will help you to explore this new way of making acquaintances, with practical, scriptural wisdom.  

TRUTH IS THE KEY  

It seems to me that the key issue with regards to assessing a person's suitability to be our mate, is truth.  If I know the truth about a lady, then it is easy for me to make an intelligent decision whether or not to marry her.  This is particularly important when using an Agency, but to be honest, it is important, FULL STOP.  Even if you are in a relationship with someone who lives and attends church 5 miles from where you live, you still have to take measures to ensure that that person is what they claim to be.  If you are uncertain, there is nothing wrong with requesting to speak to and obtain a written reference from their Pastor.  At the end of the day, you must do whatever you need to do to give you assurance that the person is not a fraudster, because fraudsters are everywhere.  The scripture says,

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." [I Thess. 5:21]

DON'T JUST TRY IT, DO IT!

If you are going to join an agency, don't do it half-heartedly.  If you believe that God can work through an agency, then you have to give Him time.  For example, most internet sites give a free trial period, but if you only use the free trial period, you are unlikely to have much success.  After all, the person God has for you may not join until a few months after you.  Besides, unwillingness to pay gives a bad impression to the very people you are trying to attract, because it gives the impression that either you are not serious about finding a partner, or that you are stingy!!! So since it is said that first impressions last, make sure you make a good impression in every way possible.  Of course, if you are totally uncomfortable about using an agency, then don't!!!..........anything that is not of faith is sin [Rom. 14:23] and using an agency is certainly not going to be suitable for everyone.  However, be careful not to speak evil of such Introduction agencies, because although all may not have the right motives, most of them are simply trying to help people find God's plan for their lives.

Be encouraged singles, God has an army of agents in this time whom He is using to help singles out of their plight.....make sure you don't fail to recognise them!

____________________

Below are some websites worth browsing:

www.christiancafe.com    www.singlec.com    www.bigchurch.com  - North American Based

www.christian-connection.co.uk - UK Based

careful not to speak evil of such Intrgh all may not have the right motives,

A timely word is like apples of gold in a setting of silver, Proverbs 25:11

If reading this article has helped you, or you have any questions or comments relating to it,
please e-mail the author at David@Kingship.co.uk

David A. King conducts workshops for Singles and those in Singles Ministry.
He is an inspirational teacher and writer and a member of the
New Testament Church of God in the UK where he resides.

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